Recently I did a Facebook Live interview with Doula and mom supporter, Erica Coulter. She talks about the importance of finding your tribe and growing together with support and love. Erica has offered us this blog post to encourage you to find your tribe and love them hard. For together, ladies, we rise!
I am blessed with some amazing friends. Some are new, and some are old, and I couldn’t make it through life without them.
This past summer, I read a book that said you could categorize everyone in your life into one of three categories. I don’t remember the title now, but this one thing stuck with me. If that person called and said they killed someone, would you:
A) Help them bury the body.
B) Ask questions first, and then decide what to do.
C) Call the police.
For my tribe, I’d bury that body.
Being a military family living in a military community, some of my best friends have moved. We regularly travel to see each other. I travel to see Kisha every time she moves, and she comes out here to explore the Pacific Northwest (even though she swears it’s freezing here). Recently, she texted that I needed to come to Texas. Her lifelong friend Erica was losing the battle with cancer, and she wanted us to meet while we still had time. We had been talking about making this happen for ages. I booked a ticket before even talking to my husband. She needed me there, so I went. Simple.
Other friends have traveled in when my husband was deployed. These are the friends that fly a red eye flight cross country with a baby, walk in your front door, and ask where the laundry is. They show up with donuts for your kids and immediately jump into sister wife roll. They save you when you don’t even know you’re drowning yet.
Thank goodness for these friends. For the ones who bring coffee and Motrin when your kids are sick, and for the ones that pick up your preschooler when you’re running late to school pickup. I’m blessed to have them in my life.
Sometimes these tribe members become friends with each other in a group. In high school, we probably would have been called a clique. We aren’t mean girls, but we are a “ride or die” group. Your tribe backs you even when they don’t understand what you’re doing. We aren’t a tribe because we think alike. We are actually total opposites in a lot of ways. We have different politics, different ideas about religion, and different ideas medically. No matter what, we back each other and have respect for others opinions and differences.
We have known each other for years, and there are bonds in this group that are thicker than blood. We have been together through marriages, divorces, moves, births and postpartum depression. We are each others ICE contacts in phones. Getting into this tight knit group is hard, and it takes time. It can’t be easy for people we meet. We’ve known each other for ages. We have inside jokes. We have history. We know when to push and when to back off. We can read the group vibe when we walk into the room, and we aren’t afraid to fight when pissed. We are family.
Keeping this tribe together takes work. We have moved. We have girls living in four different states now. We have busy lives. We have to make it a priority, and one of the ways we do that is running. We run FBFW together every year—no matter what. It’s a priority because it gets the tribe all together in one place at one time.
Life is hard sometimes. Motherhood is harder. It’s so much more complicated than I ever imagined. Sometimes the only thing pulling me though are the friends that show up unannounced with coffee, swapping kids so we can get stuff done, book club even though we never actually discuss the book, friendship vacations, and group text chains that keep me laughing. I have amazing friendships, and I hope they all know how deeply appreciated they are. You are my people, and I’ll help you bury a body anyway.